Traffic is NOT waiting for you!
It’s one thing to wake up in the morning after an evening of barely getting home from work, to head right back to it.
It is quite another, to have to do that combing through a maze of inbred degenerates raised in families which fornicate, feed and then foster rats that’ll run the same never-ending race.
Zero clue or respect for the concept of consideration for the fellow being.
Now that you’re unemployed, you don’t have to head into all that nonsense every morning (and evening), your blissful life might lead you to forget what you’ve been missing.
Let me list out a few of the traits of said imbeciles, so you can re-appreciate not having them in your life!
Also added are a few fitting treatments that’ll satiate your sadistic little corner.
Under-promise & over-deliver!
Driving while using cellphones.
Should have their devices super-glued to their hands for the first offense.
For the second one, just jot down their numbers on the inside of buses heading through shady areas with subtext “Full Body Massage – Young Modals”.
The third time just shoot them in the crotch.
And do send a whatsapp notification beforehand.
(Only, use a bullet here.)
Riding while using cellphones.
One time penalty. Take their pants off and make them sit on their bike exhaust.
Till about medium rare.
Driving with side view mirrors folded in.
Force fit blinkers on their eyes and install some anti-bird spikes on the shoulders.
A half-hour paintball game wearing only underwear post which.
Jumping a line of vehicles at toll plazas / traffic jams.
Heavy metal spikes hanging from auto-snap wires placed through the non-designated driving areas.
Pressure sensitive release pattern.
Optimize aim for the engine block.
Don’t think occasional lack of accuracy of half a meter or so every once a while can’t be handled basis “malfunction”.
Five hours of listening to Kangana Ranaut screaming “You Bastard” at 80% volume and constant loop. No pee breaks.
The room will have one metal chair and saffron walls.
Polluting Vikram Autos.
Just round them up and set up a general interrogation.
Most numbers will be cut basis prior crimes requiring jail time.
Just feed their jail cells with fresh air from their auto exhausts at regular intervals.
Open the door of the car of said spitter. Get the Uber/Ola driver hired for the day (just for this job) in front.
Then Mr. Uber / Ola proceeds to pout his lips and spout a well chewed paan masala slurry with enough propulsive force to lift off a satellite launch vehicle.
Aim for the upper body of the victim, the car upholstery, and the hard to reach area between the front two seats.
(Couldn’t find a useful GIF here. So here’s a useless one from an equally useless “film”.)
Turning without blinkers.
One mandatory day at the children’s playground with ten minutes on the merry-go-round at the fastest speed that two grown-ass adults can manage.
Get the errant party off and ask them to walk 20 meters in a straight line IMMEDIATELY.
Stumbled? Back on you go you little directionless rat bastard!
OOOOOOOLD DRIVERS driving SLLOOOOOOOWLLLLY in the fastest lane.
Stop their car.
Ask them how they managed to live such a long and healthy life, so much so that they are driving, when they should be decomposing.
Take lengthy notes.
Make sure you do none of those things.
Living that long to generally be that annoying to society? Naah mate!
Hope that by now you’re ecstatic that you’re well and far away from these vermin.
Now be a little useful and start a change.org petition. I’ve listed the stuff out for you.